Posted by admin on July 7th, 2008 — Posted in Kids + Parenting
It isn’t easy being a good parent. Even in the best of circumstances, the challenge of parenthood can be overwhelming when there are problems in the home, dysfunctions in the family and/or an inability on the part of the parent(s) to manage the family systemthus leaving the parents and children at high risk for emotional upheavals and devastation.
Raising a family can be one of the most rewarding and frustrating jobs a person undertakes. Most parents aren’t prepared for the hassles, worries and constant demands of parenting. What’s more, everyday problems can be overwhelming to a parent who often expects the joys of family life to resemble “The Bill Cosby Show” or “Roseanne” where every problem no matter how difficult or demanding was resolved in an hour with four commercial breaks.
Society fosters the perception that being a parent comes naturally when the doctor hands them that ‘bundle of joy.’ Even if a parent wants help, there are few places to turn to unless the situation is a crisis. The stigma of asking for help is a strong deterrent for most parents. Parents are embarrassed to admit, “I’m at my wits end; I need help.”
Often families are having problems long before the situation reaches the crises point. Parents can be at risk for child abuse, or even in danger of losing a child to foster care, because of a dysfunction in the home before they are willing to ask for help. It isn’t until the child is severely abused or taken away from the family that we question, “Why aren’t there any classes for parenting? That is what is needed.”
One reason there aren’t more parenting classes is because parents don’t attend in sufficient numbers to warrant having them. They don’t attend because they have the misconception that it is admitting a failure to seek parenting help. What a travesty! Parents are set to fail before they are a parent, because parenting doesn’t come naturally and yet, parenting classes aren’t mandatory.
Everyone can improve their parenting skills. Parents do the best job they know how. Their own growing up experience was often less than ideal, and they may not have witnessed competent parenting, communication skills or appropriate interactions with children. Frequently parents have not learned what is: child misbehavior or a developmental issue that the child will soon master. Parents need to learn to see a child as a work in progress rather than incorrigible from the outset or short adults. And most of all parents need to accept that the child needs to learn through trial and error. Avoid taking it personally as your child being rebellious to your parental authority.
Parenting classes can help parents know that some things are appropriate at different stages and aren’t a series of challenges to their authority. A child who is disagreeable may not be naughty, they may not be ready to handle this responsibility, or their impulse control still needs work.
Parenting classes need to be taught by qualified spiritual and emotional health professionals. Because they are spiritual and emotional health professionals, they can often help parents with issues like low self-esteem that can be hindering their effectiveness. When parents feel empowered and grounded in their own spiritual and emotional empowerment, they are able to be a whole and healthy parent raising whole and healthy children.
Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD is a Life Coach, Single Mother of two adult children and grandparent to four Grandchildren and author, If I’d Only Known…Sexual Abuse in or out of the Family: A Guide to Prevention. http://www.drdorothy.net
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Posted by admin on July 6th, 2008 — Posted in Kids + Parenting
Many reasons will cause some people to feel the need to adopt a child. Sometimes it is because they have exhausted every other means of having children. Some people just feel the need to take care of children that don’t have anyone to take care of them. Still other people were adopted themselves. Whatever your reason for adoption, here are some things to consider before you undertake such a noble task.
Are you emotionally ready for such a commitment?
If the reason you are adopting is due to infertility, have you resolved that issue?
Is your house large enough?
Are you financially ready for the responsibility of a child?
Finally, make sure that you work with a licensed, reputable adoption agency. A reputable agency will make sure that you follow the adoption laws in your state. A reputable agency will make sure that everyone’s needs are addressed. Adopting a child is a wonderful thing to do. The child gets a loving home, the birth mother can rest at ease knowing that her child is being well taken care of, and you get a child that you can call your very own. I’d call that a win-win situation.
Copyright DeAnna Spencer 2004
This article may be reproduced freely on the Internet as long as the resource box remains intact.
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Posted by admin on May 27th, 2008 — Posted in Kids + Parenting
According to researchers, most children enter school with a good sense of self-esteem (at least as defined by psychologists) and yet leave high school with a poor sense of self-esteem. What happens in those years between starting school and finishing school?
If we are to define self-esteem as “having feelings of worth or value,” then people with adequate levels of self-esteem should display a sense of realistic confidence in their abilities and performance. People with low levels of self-esteem would be expected to display feelings of inadequacy, a fear of failure, a sense of being unworthy, and perhaps depression.
It is estimated that 25-35% of children have Learning Disabilities. At least 5% have Attention Disorders. All too many times during the course of their academic careers these children are labeled by teachers (or parents) as being “lazy,” or “stupid.” Remarks of this type are typically interpreted by the child as, “You’re no good,” and the self-esteem levels drop.
At least 50% of children will experience the divorce of their parents prior to turning 18 years old. Most children, for whatever reasons too complicated to go into here, will tend to place at least a portion of the blame for the parent’s divorce on themselves. Since the parents are typically placed on a pedestal in the eyes of the child, the blame for the divorce cannot be placed on the parents and must be placed elsewhere, most commonly on themselves. This also significantly impacts children’s self-esteem levels.
There are other important challenges to maintaining reasonable self-esteem, such as merely being “average” in a world that worships only the good looking, the good athletes, and the well-to-do.
Can too much Self-Esteem be bad for you?
Let me say here and now that inappropriately high levels of self-esteem may be worse that low levels. Levels of self-esteem that are too high lead kids to believe that they are more important than anyone else, and that they should never be frustrated by work or challenges in life. It leads young people to believe that they should always have their way. Inflated levels of self-esteem ultimately discourages children and teens from learning how to work hard, and sometimesl leads into criminal behavior. Anti-social and criminal behavior is fueled by the criminal believing that his wants and needs are more important than the needs, wants, or rights of others.
Inflated levels of self-esteem also are directly at odds with the development of one’s spirituality and relationship with God. After all, who needs to develop a relationship with God when he believes that he is more important, or intelligent, or more powerful than God? People are cheated in every important aspect of their lives, emotionally, socially, and spiritually, when their sense of self-esteem is inflated.
So how can we instill appropriate levels of self-esteem in our children? Briefly, here are five key thoughts . . .
First, change the way that you look at this area of life from “self-esteem” to “self-confidence.” There is a difference as wide as the sea. To “esteem” someone, including one’s self, involves feelings of “reverence” or “awe” or “honor” or “glory.” Words have meaning. Let’s not get carried away with trying to make our kids feel good about themselves by starting to ascribe to them positions of honor normally reserved for Presidents and Kings, and perhaps for God. The majority of our society’s problems are caused by people thinking that they are more important than anyone else in the world. This is not something that we really want to encourage in our children, or in ourselves.
Instead we do want to encourage self-confidence. This attribute becomes especially powerful and beautiful when paired with the virtue of self-control. Raise your children to have these two character traits, and you will have wonderful and successful children.
Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library’s family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.
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Posted by admin on May 12th, 2008 — Posted in Kids + Parenting
If you are thinking of hiring a nanny, no doubt you plan to choose her very carefully. We have all watched some of these scaring videos showing nannies bullying the children they were expected to take care of. Of course, to choose a woman who will not ill-treat your kid is the first point to consider. Fortunately, most nannies meet this requirement. So, which other points to come to?
I am not going to give you advice about things I know nothing about, or no more than any other mother. For medical advice, ask your doctor; for religious advice, ask your preacher; but for educational advice, ask a teacher.
Do the math:
- One needs about a thousand hours to learn something.
- The nanny is going to spend hundreds of hours with your beloved baby.
- So: your baby is going to learn a lot from the nanny.
It is difficult to calculate how much time young children need to learn whatever. What we know for sure is that they learn almost continuously, from any source of knowledge that they are exposed to.
Give your kid a source of knowledge that will provide him with a lifelong benefit. Hire a Polish nanny!
Polish language has a particularity: it contains most of the phonemes of the European languages; in fact all of them except the English/American sound “TH” (but you are here), the Spanish “J” and the French “R”, called “Parisian R”.
By leaving your baby with a Polish au-pair girl regularly, you give him a gift he cannot lose or break: the ability to pronounce any phoneme without accent. There are many birth gifts but very few last lifelong.
So, even if you work at home, consider paying a Polish native speaker two hours twice a week. Your baby’s future is worth it.
Gabrielle Guichard
A French teacher who proposes a high-level free French course on FrenchCourseByFrenchTeacher.com.
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Posted by admin on April 18th, 2008 — Posted in Kids + Parenting
Managing money is one of the most critical skills we must master to function effectively as adults. However, public school curricula rarely address this issue directly. Instead, teachers cover it as a side topic or as examples in math.
So, just who is responsible for this critical education?
WHO’S RESPONSIBLE?
PARENTS can teach “money” lessons as soon as their kids can count. Otherwise, your toddler may reach his own conclusions about “where money comes from.” He may decide it does not grow on trees; instead, it comes from an ATM (Automated Teller Machine).
Does your child expect you to buy her all kinds of goodies every time you go shopping? Or have you created a “budget” (sometimes referred to as an allowance) for such items?
If your family suffers a crisis such as job loss, accident, or a natural disaster, will your older child understand the financial consequences? Or does he still think that the electricity fairy magically turns on the lights for free?
If you have not taught your teenager certain money lessons, his first paycheck may be a big surprise. After all, $8 per hour for 40 hours is $320 in your pocket, right?
WHAT WILL MY CHILD LEARN?
Toddlers, young children, teenagers, and young adults can gain an understanding of money suitable for their age group. And the younger they are, the simpler it is for a parent to start money coaching. You may find that you are such a talented teacher that your child opens her own profitable business and supports you!
Here’s a sampling of some topics/exercises by age group:
TODDLERS
What is Money?
Counting Using Coins
Adding and Subtracting Using Coins
YOUNG CHILDREN
Supplementing What’s Taught in School about Personal Finance
Making Change
When “Savings” at a Store Sale is Costing Money
TEENAGERS
Why You Can’t Ignore Paying Taxes
Guessing the Dinner Bill and the Tip
Performing Work Around the House on a “Contract” Basis
YOUNG ADULTS
How Credit Cards Work
What is a 401(k)?
The Pitfalls of Borrowing and Lending Money
Use the Internet, children’s books, books for parents, and your own knowledge to help raise independent, financially savvy children. The payoff comes when as young adults, they handle financial issues confidently based on prior knowledge and experience. At this point, you will understand what a powerful legacy you have left your children and their children.
Valerie Mills is a sales copywriter specializing in direct mail and web advertising. She has written sales letters, web pages, and brochures for the finance, self-help, and education areas. Using her background and experience as an educator and corporate trainer, Valerie has also written several articles and an ebook for parents titled “Practical Ways To Develop Your Child’s Financial Intelligence” at http://www.booklocker.com/books/1822.html.
Contact at parents@teachyourkidsaboutmoney.com
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